Perhaps the best fall out from last nights show was learning from my inside source that The Bachelors sassy Gran thought that the girls who fell off the bucking bull were going to be eliminated. Gran if only the producers had thought of that!!
So tonight. Blake is playing basketball. All on his own.... Osher mail arrives delivered by Osher himself. He has info for a date which is "spectacular". The date is with..... Lisa. Who the bloody hell is Lisa and where did she come from? Lisa says she is surprised. Well so are we Lisa, so are we.
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| This is the lovely Lisa. She has very good volume in her hair. |
The next day dawns, and she drives to meet Blake who is dressed like Tom Cruise from Top Gun. Blake tells Lisa she looks, yep you guested it AMAZING. They jump on a chopper fly over the harbour and bond. Blake tells Lisa she has a cute nose, they have chemistry and life is good. Until they get into an aerobatic plane. In the words of my daughter " This would be the worst date ever." But Lisa thinks it is AMAZING. Iceman and Maverick get out of the planes and can't stop talking about how AMAZING the whole thing was.
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| Hey Look! It's Blake (just a smaller version with less testosterone.) |
Back at the ranch Laurina and one of the blonds chicks ( can't remember her name) try to resolve their differences, but it aint going to happen. Laurina is never wrong. Blake seriously get far away from her. Far, far, away.
Mav picks up Iceman and he carries her to his favourite place in the Hunter Valley (yeah right) Which he happens to know has the most marriage proposals. Yawn. Lisa tells Blake how important her family is, a piano number is playing, Blake asks if Lisa has been in love before, she tells hims she has a lot of love in her and I vomit up my dinner.
Back at the ranch OSHER MAIL!!! Yep it's a group date. I am also starting to notice that someone has gone overboard with the fake tan. I am seeing a lot of tandoori action going on with those chicks. Amber is cracking it AGAIN because she is not going on a date. Which isn't correct because she did go on a date with the killer horses. She needs to stop with the "tanties" She is starting to reek of high maintenance.
The Nina from Offsprings phone rings. It's Holly mum. She has been selected to play netball for the Australian Professional League. OMG what to do?.... follow your life's dream or stay to win the love of a man you don't know and are competing for his affection with 19 other girls. And you are blonde and he likes brunettes.
Bloody hell the date is STILL going on. They are now feeding each other cake. In front of a fire. If I hadn't already vomited my dinner, I would now. They move in for the pash. ( I hope Nan's not watching tonight). She gets two pashes and a rose. She comes back to the house, she recounts the date, tell the girls she got a kiss and Jess looks like she is going to KILL her.
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| "But Blake we look so good together." |
Alright let's get this group date happening. The girls are going.....CAMPING. Osher and Blake have put on their camping Ken doll clothes. Osher has taken all the girls makeup and stuff away so Blake will see that he is his true love, and far prettier than the girls without their make up.
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| Blake is helping the girls across the big wide river. |
The girls go hiking while the girls at the Mansion (we really are using that word very loosely) are chatting in the sun, in the garden, with a nice little gin and tonic.They are also squinting because someone has taken their sunnies away. Meanwhile the girls are marching on like an army of ommpaloompas (they were orange weren't they?) . Holly is distracted she is thinking netball, Blake, netball, Blake. At this stage my other daughter (who is 8) is yelling "Just tell him" at the tv.
They are now having a bonfire and toasting to love. DOuble Yawn. I'm not going to lie, I am getting a bit bored by now, and I am ready for this to end. I wish Laurina was there because then at least I could watch her botox vein. He has some special time with Zoe. Then they play truth or dare, and ask dumb questions and I am still bored. Blake believe he is going to find try love. Then Blake the floozy that he is takes ANOTHER girl (Alana) away for some special time (is that code for something else?) And guess what???? They understand each other as well. AND she gets a rose.
Cut to Holly sitting alone by the fire. She is not feeling well. Again. She is torn about staying or going. She should also be a little torn about having to wear that beanie. The next day she takes Blake for a chat. She tells Blake about her net balling opportunity. At this stage I am thinking she is seeing the opportunity for an out of this boring episode.
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| " I have to go Blake, my beanie is clashing with my hoodie." |
Luckily the girls has not forgotten and have put on their frocks ( info on who their dresses are by is on The Bachelor website - I shit you not.). Laurina says cheers to giggles, Amber takes Blake for a chat and she says she feel chemistry. Shana (who?) has feelings for Blake as well. This is weird because I don't even know where she came from.
Time for the rose cere-moany. Zoe, Alana and Lisa have roses. Hang on, when did Zoe get her rose? Maybe I did fall asleep from boredom. Two girls are going. The dramatic music is going into overdrive. Tension is building. Anida is worried because she doesn't feel a connection. I am worried that this is never going to end because I really need to go to the toilet. I tidy the house, go to the toilet and the cere- moany is still going. There are three girls who I have never seen before left. There is only one rose..... Someone and someone else are going home. They are sad, because they are never going to get a modelling contract , sorry find true love, now.
Until next week - AMAZING.
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