No need to read the news- here is all you need to know.

 

I know you are all very busy so I thought I would give you a recap of what I think are the most important new stories of the day.

1. The cast of Dancing With The Stars Australia has been announced. This is a surprise to me because I didn't realise the show was still going. The cast of D grade celebs for this year are Kyle Clarke( wife of Michael and child of parents who can't spell), April Rose Pengilly (daughter of the guy with glasses from Inxs) Rickie Lee (singer- will she only dance to her own songs?), Ashley Hart (model), Lynne McGranger (Irene from Home and Away) and Torah Bright. (Olympic snowboarder). The boys are Damon Sullivan (swimmer)  Paul Fenech (he is apparently an actor), Tail Hara (he is also apparently an actor), Matt Cooper (is apparently an NRL LEGEND), David Rotan (he is apparently and AFL LEGEND) and Mark Holden ( now he IS a deadset legend). I was going to Google what the actors have been in and who the sporting players played for, and then I realised I didn't care.

                                             Here is a snap of the girls looking.... all the same.

2. Lara Bingle has been snapped on holidays with her boyfriend Joel Edgerton / Sam Worthington (because I am convinced they are the same person) TOPLESS and NAKED. I am outraged. The nerve of this girl to get her gear off on an isolated beach with no one but an extremely large telegraphic lenses camera a kilometre away.

This is not her naked shot, but this will do.

 



3. A Panda in China is in trouble because she faked being pregnant to get more food. Well played Miss Panda, although I do question how an animal can trick humans into thinking they are pregnant. Did she vomit in the morning and complain of being tired all the time?

                     Hands up if you are a naughty Panda?

 
 

4. Kim Kardashian wore white for the .....SECOND DAY IN A ROW.

 

    This is Kim in the offensive colour repeater outfit.

 

5. Anna Wintour (editor of Vogue America and apparently the scariest lady in the world) has a $200k clothing allowance per year. That is a whole lot of Zara. That is a joke. She would never shop at Zara.

 This is Anna Wintour, she has perfected the art of looking bored and scary, just because she can.

 

6. An artificial womb has been created which will allow men to give birth. Mmmmm, now if the article had said "carry a baby to term" I would get it, but the fact that it says "give birth" makes me wonder just where is that baby coming out of?

 

7. Finally it is four weeks until I run my marathon, although we may have a problem. I may have an infected foot. It may yet become a Marathon Drinking weekend in Sydney. And that would be bad because????