The Bachelor- the one where a girl get laid.

Episode starts with the girls bitching about Jess. Again. Laurina's integrity has still not recovered.  Now for the record I heard Jess talking on the radio this morning and apart from sounding delightful, she said that this was not the first kiss on a Group Date, just the first that was filmed. Take that Laurina and Amber. 

Osher walks in sporting his casual elegance look and he has news! From Blake! He says be patient and he is making progress. At this stage I would be saying shove your progress where the sun don't shine buddy. Osher also drops some Blake mail. It is Dream Date time. It is Zoe. Again. And her date is on a boat. Again. They cruise under the harbour. Again. This is the best date she has ever been on. Again.  Look I am aware that the first boat date was with Louise, but same old, same old. Neither of them are going to nab Blake.

This is Zoe, she is a Pharmacist and is very boring, but she did get laid.

The get to the island. In the middle of the Harbour and Blake is dancing, very badly. Zoe gets laid by a lady.  Not that laid, the one where they put a lei around her neck. Apparently Zoe's wall is coming down. Just quietly her hem could do with some coming down. Blake is dancing again. Stop Blake please. Zoe tells Blake how she loves the sound of the ocean- even though she is in the Harbour. Zoe says that Blake feels they have a "connection". Then Blake says he has a really good connection with Zoe. I am sensing a connection. They have know spent about 10 minutes of air time talking about how Zoe has let her guard down. Yawn.

Back at the mansion it is group date Blake mail. YAY! It also seems to be the date where all the girls who have had very little air time are going. Except for Amber.She is going because that girl is trouble.With a capital T.

Back at the Vanuatu faux island in the middle of the Harbour, they are talking about love and I am not going to lie, I am finding Zoe and Blake about as interesting as watching the whole series of Lord of The Rings Movies. That is not interesting at all. Blake gives her a rose blah, blah, blah. Can we have the group date now please.

The girls walk past a van that says Simon Johnson, they also happen to be in the shop that says Simon Johnson. 

Just in case you missed it- We are at Simon Johnson- Providore of fine foods

 They also seem to be in the 1950's because the girls are baking Blake ( I am wearing my tightest blue sweater) a cake. Louise is happy because she is a baker.  Mary is not happy because she is a Carrie Bradshaw " I keep my clothes in the oven" kind of girl. Louis is teaching Lisa what to do. Sam is standing next to Louise, and Louise is helping Sam. I hope you are watching Blake.  Blake stands next to Kara, and I'm calling it. There is no connection AT ALL. In fact if they were any less connected Blake will be in the next room.

Amber is being naughty and daring the girls to turn off ovens. Sure enough someone has turned of Kara's oven. She accuses Amber, but Amber bluntly refuses and gets very offended that she would suggest such a thing, even though Amber herself was saying such a thing. I have just realised that Amber is a total bully. I always thought Canadians were peaceful kind people. Well except for Justin Bieber, but then has has never been the same since the drugs.

Back to the cakes, Mary's looks crap, so does Louise's, in fact they all look pretty shit, and I am even cake deprived! Blake walks in to see the fruit of his 1950's potential wives and he looks very disappointed. There is no wife material here!  I am actually starting to think that Blake is looking a tad bored.  Like really, really disinterested. And lets face it if you can't get excited about cake, what can you get excited about?

"Hi Girls- sorry I am late, Crazy night at the Casino."

Cocktail party time, or time for the girls to have a last minute bitch about each other before the rose ceremoooaaaany. Blake has come from his day job as a croupier at Star Casino, and takes bitch mole Jess out for a chat ( I like Jess, I am calling her a bitch mole because thats what the girls think, because they are bitch moles.With compromised integrity). He apologises to Jess about the kiss, Jess says she won't let it break her. You go girlfriend.

Jess and Blake are talking about their connection, or maybe it was chemistry. One or the other.

Back in the room the girls are chatting about how Amber has exposed herself. As an angry, aggressive Canadian from Canadia. Laurina is also following her script of being very judgemental. Lets just get this over and done with. Laurina bitches about Jess, Amber bitches about Laurina, someone is wearing a dress that is far too tight.

It is down to Amber and Kara. It's time to go.........Kara. Because watching you and Blake talk was painful. Nearly as painful as my now splinter free glued up foot is now. Until next week.... Just remember- you all look AMAZING.